Today marked 4 years from the day my late husband Andy was shot in Afghanistan.  Today has been a trying day for me.  I am still learning how to deal with the day.  I honestly have been wanting to write something all day but could not even figure out what to write.  However, considering it is Valentine’s Day… I was thinking it would be cool to focus on what love is and what are some of the things Andy and I did that really challenged us but helped us at the same time.

1. Never go to bed angry at each other.  This is one that I took very seriously with me and Andy.  I remember one night when Andy and I got into an argument… He decided he was going to sleep in the spare room that night.  I remember going downstairs and started to clean because I refused to go to sleep without us solving the issue.  I can remember it like it was yesterday- Andy came down the stairs halfway and peek around and said “what are you doing?”.  I told him I was not going to bed with us arguing so I am cleaning.  He said, “I thought you were packing and fixing to leave or something!” and then he smiled…. and then he understood how important it was for me to not go to bed angry.  We ended up apologizing to one another and hugged it out.  Ever since then we stood by a rule of never going to bed angry at one another.
2. Try your best to go to bed together.  This one is a difficult one to always stick to because of the many different schedules happening in a household.  However, if you can do it…. I always enjoyed that with Andy.  It allowed us to talk about our days and spend time getting ready for bed together.  It was nice.
3. Let him be a guy (or let her be a girl).  What I mean by this is… each person in a relationship needs space.  This is not something new for people to hear.  However, I can remember that when me and Andy were living in North Carolina… I noticed he wasn’t playing his video games very much any more.  When I asked him why he hasn’t been playing much, he said ” well, I just didn’t want to make you upset “…. which, of course, I thought it was really sweet he took my feelings into consideration.  But, I took that opportunity to realize that we can respect one another and the things we both enjoy to do sometimes.  I reassured Andy that I am okay with him playing his video games as long as it doesn’t get in the way of ‘us’.  haha.  It’s amazing what we do for those we love.  ❤
4. Laugh together.  I don’t really have to explain this one.  All I can say is…. laughter is good for the soul!  I can only imagine it is good for a marriage!
5. Allow disagreements.  This one actually comes straight from Andy.  When Andy and I started dating, I was very easy going and never disagreed with Andy on much.  I just didn’t want to argue or involve arguments within my relationship.  However, I remember one time Andy becoming frustrated with me and one of my ‘silent treatments’ I was giving him.  He made a great point by encouraging me to be open with him and my feelings.  He told me he believes through every disagreement, there is growth.  He sincerely opened my eyes with this.  I didn’t realize I was making things worse by not being open with him about my feelings and trying to bottle it all in.  I recommend communication.  I do not necessarily mean to argue at every little thing (nitpicking- though we all have our days 😉 )… but having open communication is important.
6. Listen to him/her.  When the time is right, it is important to make sure you listen to your significant other about what it is they are wanting to talk about.  For me, it was finally being able to listen to Andy speak about his past experiences with dating and girls.  It was always hard for me to hear all of that before.  However, there was a moment when I finally was able to truly listen to him.  We were driving 13 hours from Tennessee back to North Carolina.  The trip flew by as I listened to him tell me about his past.  I remember pulling up in front of our house and Andy just stops and looks at me… and he said “thank you”.  I said, ‘for what???’…. he said, “thank you for letting me talk about all that.”.  I just smiled and said ‘you’re welcome… I enjoyed hearing it.’… I felt that our relationship moved to the next level at that moment.  We both were finally at this place of…. he went through all of that to get to me and to where we were in that exact moment.  It was a wonderful moment.
7. Allow spiritual growth together.  Andy and I decided to go to church together.  I am so glad we did.  We grew so much together just in about 6 months.
8. Refrain from using the D word.  What is the D word???  Divorce.  Ugh.  This word should not be used lightly.  This is a word that should never be thrown around and misused.  Marriage is a serious commitment and if you are not ready, then do not do it in the first place.  The only time you should ever mention the D word… is if you are literally ready to file for it.  Otherwise, I would focus on communication or even trying therapy.  I believe with each time the word divorce is used within a disagreement, the relationship loses a little something that is so hard to get back.
9. Kiss goodnight.
10. Let every day be a day focused on love.  Always share with him or her how much you love them.  Let him/her know how wonderful they are.  Compliment them.  Be proud of them.  And tell them you are proud of them.  It is amazing what the small things we can do or say does to impact our relationships.

I know this post is probably not what you expected from me today.  However, it was what I felt in my heart to share.  Remember not to let life get in the way of taking the time to love wholeheartedly.  Me losing Andy was something I never ever thought would happen to me.  I am so blessed to feel as if Andy and I were in a wonderful place together when he did pass away.  Not only were we husband and wife, we were best friends.  Happy Valentine’s Day… today and every day. ❤